The past few weeks have brought me opportunities to speak with young adults about the dangers of sexting. One of those opportunities came at a local private high school. The administration, in hopes of preventing a sexting pandemic at their school, asked me to speak with a group of their teenage students who recently were caught with their pants down…or should I say, with their t-shirts off?

Sexting is the newest form of teenage intimacy. Both guys and girls believe that one of the best ways to share their commitment with one another is to take a quick picture of their chest or … [you can fill in the body parts] and send it to their current or want-to-be boyfriend/girlfriend via text pic or text message. Might seem like a little much? Think again. I have had 7th graders argue that this is a “perfectly okay” thing to do.

What a great idea! But wait…what happens when the relationship comes to a crashing end? And it will end according to a recent high school survey that reports that the average high school relationship lasts 5.5 weeks. So, after a month of sharing each others skin tones over the cell waves, what is one to do with all these pictures compiled on memory cards? Hmmm…pass them on to the next phone?

What I was told from a group of teenage girls (ages 14-17) is their ex-boyfriends are getting back at them by passing their nude pictures to mutual friends; pictures that were meant for the eyes of one person, not 50. The girls feel it is a violation of their privacy having their personal pictures texting around, because it is their body being exploited by being passed from phone to phone, without their permission.

In response to the above statement I’m going to ask a pressing question “Why?” Why would anyone, let alone, a teenager want to share pictures of their body parts with someone…anyone…commitment or no commitment? I have a hard time taking my shirt off at the swimming pool; I can’t understand why there is a desire to have a more permanent image than that!

Here is my view on why sexting is the new fad for our high school teens. About two years ago I was asked to come to a local high school because the administration caught two 17 year olds having sex on campus. The having sex part wasn’t what worried the staff… it was the biting and drinking each others blood while having sex that had them concerned. Yes you read it right, they were drinking each other’s blood. Perhaps they were reading too much Twilight. Regardless of the influence school officials were not only concerned but freaked out. The administrator that I spoke with stated that school officials were worried that the students may become sick from the blood exchange and that the students were involved in some kind of cult.

On my twenty minute drive to the school, I spoke with two other officials who said the youth had been “quarantined” together in a room. They expressed concern that I wouldn’t be able to handle the situation and that perhaps they should contact the police or health department instead. I rolled my eyes and asked for one request- to be able to see the two students alone with no school administration supervision. They obliged.

When I arrived I walked through the office and into the back room where the principal’s office and meeting rooms were located. In the principal’s office were three teachers, a few school councilors and what seemed to be a parent. Everyone was freaking out. “Are you sure you want to go in alone?” “It might be a cult.” From the fear on their faces I was beginning to get nervous.

When I walk into the room I was a little taken aback at what I saw. Two teenagers, two very attractive teenagers; they had the kind of looks you might see in an Abercrombie advertisement. Both of the teens greeted me as I introduced myself. I noticed that they looked very embarrassed about the predicament they were now in and continually apologized to me. After spending about five minutes ‘breaking the ice’, I went right to the throat of the issue, pardon the pun.

“So, how long have you two known each other?” I asked. They replied they had been friends since 7th grade, they both lived in the same neighborhood and both sets of parents worked until late evening. They would walk home from school and hangout at one another’s houses. To keep this story at a PG-13 level, I’ll just say that this ‘hanging out’ when they were home alone soon evolved into doing more intimate things with each other.

During their 8th grade year they shared their first sexual encounter. After junior high and on to high school they had stayed committed to each other (over 5 years). That brings us to now in this present situation. They explained that after a while they simply got tired of doing the same old stuff in the same old place. They shared some crazy places that they ‘got’ intimate... the mall, on a bus, their parents’ bedrooms, at school, on the school roof... I had to stop them when I started to blush.

While they shared this with me a thought popped into my mind. I turned to the girl and said, “What is his middle name?” She stopped and just stared at the boy. She had a look of horror on her face as she replied, “I…I…don’t know”. Then I turned to the boy and said, “What is her middle name?” He was dumbfounded.

For one, I couldn’t believe they didn’t know each other’s middle name. I turned to the couple and said, “Isn’t it amazing how well you think you know each other, but you really don’t KNOW each other?”

It is the difference between the emotional and the physical. You see, the couple physically knew each other, very well in fact, but emotionally they weren’t connected and didn’t have a clue about the other. The dysfunction of an all physical and no emotional connection caused stagnation. They got bored being on one level but they translated that to- just having sex isn’t good enough. They had to move to the next level with each other and because they only had a physical connection, that was all they knew to develop. So after 5 years of the same sex they grew into using whips and chains, going on rooftops, even biting each other and drawing blood.

I turned to them both and offered my advice. Instead of having sex with each other, biting and drawing blood, why don’t you go out on a date and really start to get to know one another? You might be surprise to find out what you will learn about each other. They were both amazed and embarrassed. Then they started arguing about why they didn’t know each other’s middle name.

I got up and walked out into the other room where the five adults waited guarding the door. “What happened?” “Is it a cult?” “Are they sick?” I paused, looked at them and said, “Nope…they were just bored”. I turned to go look for the principal but turned back to the wide eyes staring at me and said, “Next time don’t blow this so out of proportion until you get the facts.’

This is the problem with sexting…our teens are bored. They are getting cell phones at young ages and they are using them for new explorations. My question would be “Where are mom and dad?” Cell phones are replacing our parents. I recently read in the Wall-Street Journal that the I-phone has applications available that are intended for infants. Applications that simulate rattles, create changing shapes and colors as you turn the phone, even produce soothing coos and white noise.

As parents we have to play an active role in the lives of our children. If a child begins a physical relationship at 9 years old, they are more likely to have numerous partners by age 17 as well as being more adventurous and experimental in these physical relationships.

A recent HandH survey stated that youth begin sexual activity by 12 years old. When I was twelve, I was watching ALF on TV and going to bed at 8:30 pm. It is clear that something is missing within our culture and as a result our youth are getting bored. The more distractions (without restrictions) we allow our children to have at a younger and younger age; be it cell phones, I-Pods, video games or social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace; the more our children are going to need to maintain and even increase this over stimulation. Not just sexually, but in everything they do. There needs to be boundaries, restrictions and yes parental involvement and supervision in every child’s life.

Childhood crushes use to be as innocent as passing love notes during class, now our children have new avenues and mediums to express their attractions. With these new mediums, the consequences have shifted from the Teacher intercepting the love notes to scored lovers forwarding intimate photos to the rest of the school. With these changes come new situations that are leading our children down a much more dangerous path. I hope as adults we can speak to the youth in our lives and begin to rebuild open lines of communication. Be the example, be the first to turn off our cell phone and open your ears.